Schuster: Believe it or not, the Care Bears originated from a greeting card-more specifically, from a 1981 painting that was designed to be used on a greeting card. When it comes to talking animals-stuffed or otherwise-attempting to hook up with human beings, I’m more of a Bee Movie loyalist. But while there might be enough people who enjoy a sentient CGI bear getting into R-rated shenanigans, I couldn’t hop on the Ted bandwagon. To MacFarlane’s credit, Ted was successful enough to spawn a sequel, along with an upcoming Peacock prequel series that finished filming last year. Fast-forward nearly three decades, and John (Wahlberg) is a washed-up adult with a teddy bear bestie named Ted (voiced by MacFarlane) who drinks, smokes weed, and parties with sex workers. Serving as MacFarlane’s directorial debut, Ted imagines what happens when eight-year-old John Bennett wishes to bring his teddy bear to life, and, against all odds, that wish actually comes true. Surrey: As a film, Ted combines two things that I loathe: Seth MacFarlane’s lazy, brand of humor, and Mark Wahlberg’s poor attempt at acting. Megan Schuster: His old Southern gentleman accent lives on in the recesses of my mind. (If those toys were actually killed, I’d have Lotso therapy bills.) Suffice to say, it was a no-brainer to put this demented daycare dictator at the bottom of our list. It’s enough to make you sympathize with Lotso’s abandonment issues … until he LEAVES ANDY’S TOYS TO PERISH IN AN INCINERATOR. And like any good antagonist, the worst part about Lotso’s nihilistic outlook is that he might have a point: Toys are often treated like expendable material objects, and when children outgrow them, odds are they’ll be discarded without a second thought. Leave it to Pixar to create a terrifying villain in the form of a stuffed animal who canonically smells like strawberries. The only way out of Sunnyside is through the trash, where Lotso believes all toys are destined to wind up. Resentful of accidentally being left behind at a rest stop by a little girl named Daisy, Lotso rules over Sunnyside like a prison warden, ensuring all the toys never escape or make it back to their owners. Introduced in Toy Story 3 as the friendly caretaker of Sunnyside Daycare, it doesn’t take long for Lotso to drop the cuddly-teddy-bear facade. Miles Surrey: If non-M3GAN children’s toys were actually sentient, there’s a good chance they’d turn out like Lots-o’-Huggin’ Bear (voiced by Ned Beatty). Maybe all of the above!Īnyway, please enjoy these 100 percent correct, infallibly accurate rankings-and don’t be mad at us for no. Or maybe it’s because they’re incredibly chonky, and we as a society have an obsession with chonky animals. Maybe it’s because they make such cute cartoons, as you’ll see later in this list. Maybe it’s the versatility of bears, who can be terrifying, cuddly, or somewhere in between. And we found that, of all the mammals, insects, and sea creatures we’ve ranked, bears may have the widest, most significant cultural impact of any animal out there. Finally we got to our tally of 31-a rather Herculean feat, if I do say so myself. Then we added a couple we’d forgotten and made cuts once again. We started with a list of about 45 bears, then whittled that down to 30. When my esteemed colleague Miles Surrey and I set out to create this list-which we’re doing in honor of the forthcoming film Cocaine Bear, a virtual lock to become a cult classic-we had trouble narrowing things down.
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